Let’s talk about sex: Who taught you about sex?

sexClose to a year ago, I used to host a late night romantic love programme on radio in the Brong Ahafo region of Ghana. Many young people stayed up late not only to listen to beautiful love songs arranged in a manner that tells their stories in the most compelling ways they could imagine but also to listen and debate issues about love. Within a few weeks, the programme was one of the most popular programmes on radio in Techiman.

Many people actually looked forward to the programme.

One of such nights, I found myself in the studio unprepared for the programme. I had no topic to raise for discussion and no panelists to set the ball rolling with.  Just as I decided to just play music and leave the studio, an idea struck me; Who taught you about sex? I threw that question out and I was amazed the kind of answers I got on the show that night from all manner of people. Till date, that remains one of my best shows on radio.

Those responses that night etched this particular issue in my mind since then. So today, I ask again, where did you learn about sex? Who taught you how to have sex? How did you learn all that you currently know about sex?

Has your dad or mum sat you down to actually tell you how to do it? Imagine your African or Ghanaian father for that matter mentioning the names of the genitalia in our local dialects and trying to teach you how to have sex and how to take care of your private parts. Yeah right, many of you cannot even create that picture in your mind.

Though it’s been a while since that programme on Techiman-based Winners FM, I remember most of the responses from that night. Many of the callers and texters recounted that their first sex lessons were from pornography. Many (both male and female) also stated that they learnt from their first sexual partners and friends who had experienced or claimed to have had sex before whiles in Junior or Senior High School.

For me, this is a big problem.

Our parents are unable to talk to us about sex, institutions are not doing a good job talking to kids about sex(they probably only talk of HIV and Teenage pregnancy whenever they do outreaches once in a while).

The pornographic movie industry educates us about sex. No wonder we have so many relationship and marital issues and divorces.

The pornographic movie industry has conveniently filled a void left by people like our parents who shirked their duties to us. Now let’s look at how well they have performed:

Sex has become bizarre; oral sex, anal sex, bestial sex, cunnilingus, gay sex, lesbian sex, threesomes, orgies, fetishes, sex toys etc. any of these sound familiar? I bet so.

Now women who don’t allow anal sex stand the chance of losing their guys. Many women have become sexually insatiable. Men who don’t have extremely big penises stand a good chance of being cheated on (thanks to porno). Guys are taking in all sorts of aphrodisiacs and so-called penis enlargement concoctions with their concomitant harmful effects, using crude cockrings which get stuck on the penis during erection and leading them straight to the surgical theatre. Men drink several shots of spirits in order to last longer in bed; a situation that has only succeeded in breeding alcoholics in our society.

Ladies and gentlemen, sex is a basic need of man, and an important aspect of life for that matter. Our development as a people has a lot to do with sex. Our spiritual development as linked to our earthly aspirations have a significant reliance on sex. Let us not leave our very humanity to an industry that only cares about raking in billions of dollars annually.

Perhaps we have not realized this void as a people. Well we need people who are vexed in matters of sex to arise and set out to educate the entire society about sex and related issues. Our parents, pastors, Imams, teachers, broadcasters, counselors etc. have a sacred duty to ensure  that Ghanaians and Africans understand sex, their genitalia and how best to use it in order to generate the needed sensations to one’s partner as well as provide satisfaction.

Interesting problems associated with having a big dong

Being refused sex

cock-blockThere’s nothing worse than being turned down by a lady friend after she has discovered what size of cucumber you have packed in your pants. Sometimes, you meet a girl who takes a liking to you, things get heated up and you go home only for her to pack and scamper out of your room like your room is on fire. Like in a friend’s case, the lady saw his dong for the first time and her jaw dropped. She exclaimed “..and where do you think you are going with that?”

 Toothy blowjobs are the norm
Let’s face it. Guys with large members (especially girthy ones) are gonna have a hard time receiving oral sex. Unless your girl (or guy) has an exceptionally large mouth, this is something you’ll need to get used to. There’s not much you can do about this situation. To avoid her teeth anytime you crave a blow job, you probably have to get a girl with a bigger mouth.

Hitting the back wall when you’re only part way in

This one is real frustrating for guys and gals. There’s almost nothing more painful for a lady than a well hung guy banging up against her cervix. It’s painful for her, and she’ll likely end the sex if it hurts too much. For him, without full insertion, his pleasure is significantly diminished. Solutions? None, really. You can always look for a girl that has a little more room down there to accommodate your big penis.

Some sexual positions are out of the question

This is one of the most frustrating. Very few women can handle the big dick without some complications. Therefore, it’s up to the guy to be extra gentle, or let the lady set the pace. Learn to BE GENTLE. Don’t just stick it in and pound away. It takes a little patience and finesse. Listen to your partner; they will guide you.

Masturbation requires TWO hands

A job that could be done with one hand easily ends up taking two hands. The results is that more effort is expended.

Finding condoms is a real headache
Most condoms here are relatively the same size. There are larger sizes available, such as magnums, but these don’t always accommodate the larger gentlemen. The ring at the bottom often chokes your chicken, and leaves a red ring for a while. The search effort might be rewarding but by the end of the search, everyone will be left guessing how large you are.

Buying jeans is a challenge

Unless you don’t mind putting your “unit” on display for the world, buying jeans is tricky business. If skinny or tight fitting jeans are your thing, you have no choice but to let the bulge show. You could always switch to baggy or loose fitting jeans.

Bathing suits

This is one of the trickiest problems tbig-dicko date. There’s really not much you can do here. A tight Speedo certainly won’t conceal anything. A baggy swimsuit will still show your member to the entire public pool when you get it wet.
Solutions? Don’t go swimming in a public pool. Get used to people staring at your battleship.

Accidentally sit on your big dong

This is the absolute worst . You’re having a good night on the town with your friends, having just met some really cute ladies. You go to have a seat on the bar stool, and CRUNCH…you just sat on your own dick and balls. Painful and humiliating. Of course the discomfort goes away, but it takes a bit. Maybe even a trip to the restroom. Hopefully your admirers don’t leave while you’re tending to your penis.
To avoid this situation, ensure you always wear proper fitting underwear.

Your dong hangs down into the toilet water

This one is truly a pain in the ass. Some toilets have really short bowls or high water levels. This is a recipe for disaster. There’s nothing more disgusting than your unit dipping into the water after taking a huge shit. Not much you can do. At home you could purchase a toilet with a tall bowl or lower the water level. In public, the only thing you can do is just be careful. Hold on to your dong.

Measure your health by your penis

hard-penis.jpgYou have probably had the sad experience of watching the disappointment or sometimes anger on your lover’s face when you couldn’t get it up to perform when manly duty called.

A lot of factors including anxiety, could have contributed to that situation. If your situation is however not one borne out of anxiety and continues to recur, you may be in trouble as far as your health goes.

Rock hard erections are absolutely essential to sexual satisfaction of your lover. More importantly however, it is an excellent indicator of your state of health.

A lot of researchers have established an important link between sexual activity and good health.

When a man’s blood vessels are health and elastic, his heart and brain function well-and his erections are rock hard.

As a man, taking better care of yourself starts when you begin to understand that good health and hard erection are connected. Sexuality is a window into your general health. Do not ignore the connection between your heart and penis.

For men, the health of your penis, and more specifically the hardness of your erections, is a great early-warning indicator of underlying cardiovascular problems that may be developing.

The strength of a man’s erection-his hardness-is the true barometer of his overall health.

So as someone puts it; When the penis is hard, life is good.

So ladies, need I mention your role in all this? You are probably in a better position to detect and draw attention to any changes as far as your man’s penis and erections are concerned.

There is a powerful and unmistakable link between failing erections and common medical ailments, including obesity, high cholesterol levels, hypertension, depression, sleep disorders, diabetes, and heart disease. When atherosclerosis develops, it starts to clog up the tiny vessels in the penis. The impact is often seen there first, long before it ever shows up in the coronary arteries of the heart, or in any of the other 100,000 miles of blood vessels that run throughout the body.

So now that you know, what can you do to ensure your penis is in great shape?

Nutrition is important. The quantity and quality of the food you eat can impact greatly on the health of your penis-your overall health.

It is also important to cut down on fats. That is important because the amount of fat in your gut affects the amount of testosterone available to you-the more fat, the less testosterone.

It is important to incorporate lots of fruits and vegetables into your daily diet patterns.

They help lower your cholesterol level, an improvement that combats cardiovascular disease and increases blood flow to the penis. Leafy green vegetables are excellent sources of folic acid, calcium, magnesium, and zinc. Citrus fruits offer plenty of vitamin C.

Chile peppers, ginger, and other spicy foods can enhance sexual performance by increasing circulation.

Drink black or green tea. Both are high in antioxidants. As a morning beverage or with a meal, a cup of tea has too many disease-fighting benefits to be ignored, among them protecting against cancer and maintaining heart function and strong bones.

The next important thing is to have lots of exercise. Get your heart pumping. Hit the road; run, swim, ride a bike or any form of aerobics. Stretch often as well and build strength.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Poem: This love

This love

Looking all around me
Dispair is all there be
All I have is hope in thee
In thee I shall find my gleelove

Oh love of Abi strong as the gale
African wind that fills my sail
Driving me on to a land without fail
What shall I do with this love i hail

Yes…

I will take this love and make it work
With this love,we will build a ladder
Two hearts couched in solid rock
Love of love,love like no other

-Bernard Buachi

What’s the Big Deal About Sex During Your Period?

Sex during your period doesn’t need to be gross. In fact, it can be a hot mess

BY DIANA SPECHLER/womenshealthmag.com

woman-sleepThe embarrassment over menstruation may have kicked off in seventh grade, when that jerk found a maxi pad in your backpack, stuck it on his T-shirt, and asked everyone if they liked his new tie. Or perhaps the problem is that we live in a culture where an errant tampon string peeking out of a bathing suit is newsworthy enough to be touted on the cover of a celeb-gossip magazine. We’ve learned that our periods should be private.

But even if you’re nervous about it, your guy is likely unfazed by the idea of having sex during your period. According to a survey on MensHealth.com, it’s women, not men, who close up shop during that time of the month. More than three-quarters of the guys polled said they’d love to have period sex, although 54 percent would do it only with a serious girlfriend or wife.

If you can overlook the mess, you might love it too. According to Sara Gottfried, M.D., author of The Hormone Cure, your estrogen is at an all-time low at the beginning of your period, but during the week, as those estrogen levels rise, your testosterone rises too and you may get turned on more easily. Gottfried adds, “For some women, the thrill of doing something forbidden or unconventional might make them more aroused during their period.” In other words, sex while menstruating can be hot.

But even if you think you’re in the “no period sex—period” camp (that is, while you manage your cramps, headaches, and diarrhea, you’d rather your man brew you peppermint tea than tear off your clothes), you still might want to try it, says sex coach Amy Levine, founder of IgniteYourPleasure.com. Take your cycle into account, she suggests. On certain days you may need to wear ratty pajamas and moan while lying on a heating pad, but lighter-flow days can be more conducive to sex. And as long as you’re not feeling too affected by brought-on-by-menstruation pain, “wetter often feels better,” says Levine. “The blood can serve as a natural lubricant. Plus, having an orgasm is a great way to relieve menstrual cramps.”

So if you’re ready to give period sex a go, Levine has some tips:

• Before having sex, spread a dark towel on the bed.

• Use a latex condom so that some of the blood that gets on him can be easily “rolled off.”

• Keep a warm, wet washcloth or towel nearby.

• Try different positions. Lying on your back or side will be less messy than going at it on top.

Most important, have fun but stay safe! The MensHealth.com survey revealed that 44 percent of men see period sex as a great opportunity to forgo using a condom. But, Gottfried warns, you can still get pregnant while you think you’re on your period (some women ovulate late or within five days of bleeding, a phenomenon called breakthrough bleeding), and both partners can transmit and receive some STDs, including HIV and hepatitis. No matter what time of the month it is, a condom is your safest bet.

Still a little squeamish? Try to remember there’s nothing to feel embarrassed about. We get our periods. Men ejaculate. It’s a mess, but so what? The best sex usually is.

The agony of the Ghanaian passport seeker

passportIt’s been well over one year since I first applied for a Ghanaian passport from the passport office at Adum Kumasi.

After undergoing the process I was given a chit which bore a number and asked to return in eight weeks by which time my passport would be ready.

Since then I have been going to the passport office several times to check their notice boards in the hope of finding my name so I could go retrieve my passport.Unfortunately, my name never shows up on any of their notice boards.

I realized that the number range within which mine falls already had their passports in without mine.

Alarmed, I ask around but no one would provide any significant help except to ask me to
return at a later date to check since it is supposed to be sent from Accra.

I try to see someone higher up the ranks but I am prevented from going into any of the offices where
I believe I could get the help I so much need.

This frustrating development has led to many asking me to pay bribes before I get my passport since that is how the office operates.To this I refuse.

Well….since I wouldn’t get the help I require I might as well ask my questions and rant over here
in the hope that someone with a conscience and a sense of duty would come to the rescue.

But really WHAT KIND OF INCOMPETENCE AND ARROGANCE IS THIS?

Should it take me well over a year to acquire a passport as a Ghanaian?

Hmm, if you are in a position to help, please reach me on 024 9 57 96 64.

Healing Effects of Silence: 10 Reasons Why Silence is Good for your Health

silence

-By: Sandra Guzman

“We are more than our words,” Laurie Anderson

Have you ever been silent for a 24-hour period? Does the thought of not speaking distress you or bring you images of bliss?

Silence is a funny thing modern day culture. It provokes strong emotions–you either love or it despise it. Those uneasy with silence are terrified to keep company with themselves. They busy their lives with lots of external chatter in order to bury the intelligent and ever knowing voice inside–the silent witness that observes all thoughts and emotions. On the other hand, there are folks who are so comfortable with quietude, that they could be in the middle of Times Square and tap into the boundless quiet energy that exists within.

In American culture, silence is not golden. We live in a loud society where noise is king and queen. Culturally speaking, we are not encouraged to be silent. But in every culture around the world, days of rest and quietude are celebrated and encouraged and though called by different names–it’s really the same thing: a day to be completive, to be still and to deepen the connection with the divine.

Silence heals

There is not doubt that silence heals. In the chaos and demands of modern day society, the healing power of silence is more urgent than ever. It is especially important to encourage silence in children, it’s a way to feed their imagination.

Keeping silence on a regular is necessary because it brings inner calm and joy. Over the years, I’ve come to love, cherish and cultivate silence in my life. The more I experience silence, the more I am enchanted by it.
Love it or loathe it, silence is really great for you. However, it’s not something that just happens, you must be committed to it, actively cultivate it and make time for it.
During the last few years of his life as he lived with brain cancer, David Simon spent a lot of time contemplating silence. He wrote a very beautiful piece called Awakening in Silence. If you are seeking to cultivate silence in your life, take a read.

If you are interested in attending a silent retreat, check out this Huffington Post piece where more than a dozen silent getaways are listed.

Carve out time to be silent, a few hours a day, an entire day. The benefits you will reap are plenty. Here are ten healing effects of silence:
Silence cleanses and detoxifies the mind

Silence expands creativity

Silence brings joy
Silence helps you to discover your inner life
Silence lets you see more clearly the world around you

Silence boosts your immune system by reducing stress

Silence feeds the soul

Silence balances your life

Silence brings calm

Silence nourishes the heart